Bigger Burdens, Bigger Hopes

Dear Friends,

I've written and rewritten this post over and over again. Each day, I have sat at my computer to write. But there's a heaviness to this post, even in the midst of great hope.

I almost wrote a post about seeking hope this weekend. I accidentally spilled a cup of water on my laptop and had to pay $750 to have it repaired. I was devastated, particularly because I'm in the midst of law school finals and need a computer. While processing this mess, I found hope in my ability to give myself grace for my mistake. Who doesn't have a beverage next to a laptop?!

But then something bigger happened. I pulled out my old laptop to use while mine was being fixed. I logged onto Facebook and read a message that broke my heart. A dear friend of mine, a fellow brain tumor survivor, ended her life this past weekend.

I sat on my couch in awe. How could I be concerned about money or laptops or exams when a young woman left this world at only age 20? How could my problems even matter in the midst of the pain and suffering she went through before making her decision to bring and end to things?

Friends, part of choosing hope is very bittersweet. When you choose hope, when you decide to focus on giving grace and finding peace, that makes you different. It separates you from those who won't or sadly can't find the strength in their struggles to choose hope.

I would have given anything to give more hope to my friend. She couldn't see past her sadness to see that she was deeply loved. She was smart, kind, and beautiful. The world is truly at a loss without her. Today and every day, choose hope. Let others know that you are choosing hope, so that they may be uplifted by your positivity.

With Bittersweet Hope,
Sara

Life Feels Different

Dear Friends,

One part of choosing hope for me has required me to reduce my daily stress. It's amazing how little things can pile up and become overwhelming. I don't know about you, but I am really good at letting things bottle up before I notice I am exploding with overwhelming stress. I'm an ultimate Type A personality and can zoom through life without noticing the daily damage of my stressful mindset.

As I realized this, I noticed a change in my mindset. Part of this came from a long period of illness and hospitalization this fall. When I was discharged from the hospital, I kept trying to immediately go back to my normal, fast-paced life. Each time, I would find myself back in the hospital with continued pain and illness.

Then, I went to my parents' home to recover. They live in a very small town. There is nowhere to walk to from their house. Everything is quiet and peaceful. I was forced to slow down. Even with the stress of schoolwork, service projects, and relationships swirling around me, I was forced to take time to breathe and have respite.

When I returned to my apartment and my "normal" life, I noticed changes in myself. I used to check my email at least five times every hour during the day and felt the need to respond to emails immediately. Now, I check it every few hours and only respond to urgent needs immediately. I allow myself to think before hitting "send" and let less urgent matters rest until I have more time.

I also noticed a change in my character. I'm still a tenacious go-getter at work, but I am much more laid back in my daily life. If I don't get everything done in a day, I don't stress over things all night. If I don't get the grade I wished for or the job I hoped for, I feel peace instead of pain. I feel much more focused on the things that really matter in life than the tedious little problems each day.

I didn't want to go through this illness. I didn't want to miss out of weeks of school and work. I didn't want to be sick and miss out on life. But the changes that I have experienced are so much better for my mindset in the longterm.

I encourage you to slow down today. If something doesn't work out the way you planned, just breathe. Focus on the things that really matter, like your family, friends, and self-worth. It's okay to take time for yourself and the things and people that matter. It's okay to give yourself a break once in a while. It's okay to stop and change your mind. Then, you can experience true hope and peace.

Peacefully,
Sara

Things Aren't Always What They Seem

Dear Friends,

I came across this quote today: "Sometimes when you are in a dark place, you think you've been buried, but you have actually been planted."

I've been reading a lot of dark things on Facebook lately. I've read posts about post-election fears full of gloom. I've read posts about holiday blues. I've read posts about suicidal thoughts and major depression. It's so easy to see the darkness all around.

But have you ever had something happen that seemed negative at first but ended up changing you for the better? Things are not always what they seem. Difficulties are not always bad. Struggles are sometimes more strengthening than we anticipate.

Today, think of adversity as an opportunity to stand firm and grow. You never know what's coming around the bend tomorrow.

With hope,
Sara

Give Yourself A Break

Dear Friends,

It's often said not to settle for anything less than your best. In general, settling is not good. You don't want to settle for a relationship that could be toxic. You shouldn't settle for a job you hate if there are other possibilities.

But sometimes, lowering your expectations is a good thing. When we have impossible expectations, we set ourselves up for failure. Instead, we can have both realistic and hopeful expectations. This isn't settling; it's adjusting to give yourself a break.

I recently had to adjust my expectations for myself. I am taking a trial advocacy class this semester, which has a final project of conducting a mock trial. Due to many hospitalizations for various illnesses this semester, I was only able to attend one of the weekly courses leading up to the trial. Additionally, while other students were able to practice in groups for weeks prior to the trial, I was too ill to attend these practices.

I had the final trial last night. I had prepared diligently on my own. I was nervous, but I was also confident in my preparation. Even more, I prepared myself for the situation by reminding myself about all I've gone through this semester. I walked into the courtroom with adjusted expectations; I still held myself to a high standard, but I also gave myself some grace.

Giving yourself grace by adjusting your expectations is important. We aren't superheroes, no matter how hard we try. Sometimes there are extra challenges in life that cause us to be less able or less ready for situations. Give yourself a break today with a little grace. Then, you can hope for all the possibilities in life with a blanket of peace for your heart.

Graciously,
Sara

The Things That Didn't Happen

Dear Friends,

It's easy to be grateful for the wonderful things that happen in life. It's also easy to feel burdened by the challenges that happen in life. But what about the things that don't happen?

There was a large fire in my apartment building yesterday. Multiple floors of apartments were damaged. The entire building was without power or heat throughout the night as electricians tried to dry out the breakers. I went to a cozy hotel across the street to get warmth and rest.

My apartment was not damaged. I was not injured. My dog was safe. Every person was safe. This makes me think about the challenges that don't happen. It could have been my unit. My belongings could all be ruined. I could have been hurt. My dog could have been hurt. Things could have been far more dangerous for all of us.

But it wasn't. It didn't happen. How often do we express gratitude for the things that don't happen? How often do we pause to thank God for the things that could have hurt us but didn't? I know I don't do this enough. Today, think about the things that could have but didn't happen to you, and give thanks. We have so much to be thankful for!

With Hope,
Sara